Auroroar!

Just came back from Beijing!

Dec 2 to Dec 8 – Sri Lanka

Dec 14 to Dec 16/17- Genting

Dec 25 to… – Cameron Highland or Bangkok

Loads of hw not done.

Think i’ll bring my homework with me when i am overseas..

Though i’m addicted to you’re beautiful, but i can fully understand what the female character, mi nam, feels about acting as a guy when she is actually a girl.

I feel the same way too,not saying my character is the same as hers, like, my character is getting more and more boyish, and i  can’t help being fierce and wanting to punch people right in the face. I’m getting more and more violent, and i can’t control myself anymore.

I’d been trying not to do so but now it seems that i can no longer control my emotions. I don’t even know this is good or bad.

This stupid character of me makes me think whether i can as girly as normal girls. But when i do so, it is so uncomfortable. And no matter what i do, i can’t seem to be as normal as others. I don’t understand why i am like this, why i am born this way and i think my life sucks.

Even if i want to be girly, i can’t do so.

But, there is one thing that i can be very sure of, which is, i am definitely straight.

Annette! I need to talk to you. I mean, i have an urge to talk to you, seems like i have a lot to tell you. Gosh, seems like you’re going to be my listening ear already. Though i don’t want to be dependent on anyone, but i think i can only tell you my stuffs. Anyway, sorry for being like so- last time.

yea, this post might be super ‘lame luh’ or ‘wtf?’ . But i seriously don’t give a shit anymore. One thing good about my blog, not many people visit my blog, which means not many will know about this and i can pen down my thoughts here.

如何让我自己开心一点？

我真的很讨厌那种我自己也不知道的感觉。

这种感觉让我怀疑自己，胡思乱想。

我讨厌我现在的自己。

我一直在想，明年会更好吗？

希望搬家以后，我的生活比现在好。

为什么我找不到和那是一样的决心和努力？

我要做一个不倒翁，不管风吹雨打，也打倒不到我。

我不要现在的自己，那么脆弱，那么在意一些芝麻绿豆的事。

seriously luh. come on man. how old are you already? 19 years old and still don’t think before you speak.

Do you know 1 action or word can easily hurt a girl’s ego?

So what if you’re fit? So what if i have pimples?

Come on luh. Your skin condition isn’t anywhere better than mine. So keep your comments to yourself.

And so what if i am fat?　It’s not like you have abs.

And i can guess what you’re going to criticise me about next time. My weight.

Please luh. Most of it come from my brain. Unlike yours. Light? Cause you ain’t smart.

I didn’t scold you for saying all these right in front of your face is just being nice to you.

Come on, grow up kid.

Esquare camp- 26 oct to 11 nov.

Class bbq-12 nov.

Drama camp- 16 nov to 18 nov.

Beijing twinning programme-20 nov-29 nov.

I will be worn out this month.

Exco appointed me as the i/c of drama camp group. Still got to get busy with drama group performance, script, props and blah blah blah. And still, there is being meetings, performance, what assignments… This is sure gonna tire me out.

V.p says if the weather in beijing is too serious, he will cancel the trip. Please don’t cancel it. please. I don’t mind not seeing snow for the first time in my life as long as i can go.

The Esquare camp isn’t over and i am already getting tired easily everyday. How can i persevere until the end of the month?

After November, you can rest all you want. Pearlyn, fight and move on. I know you can do it. Be strong, like what people say. You are strong.

What the hell am i thinking? And what the hell are you doing? I just told myself to break this friendship and the next minute you messaged me. How am i supposed not to ignore your messages? I don’t like you, and i want to end this friendship because i don’t know what you’re thinking . I don’t know whether you will harm me anot. I went to your facebook and you said you’re in a relationship. And today, you tell me you broke off with her because it is unfair to you for accepting her when she is emo. So which is which? Maybe, i should just wait and see and not end this friendship until i know your true colours.

How fickle-minded can i be? I’m such a useless bum.

钱不是万能的，但是没有钱是万万不能的。

This is what my mom always says and i totally agree. How long are we going to suffer until the house is stable? How long will it take to clear the debts? I hope for a better year in 2010. Though it will be a busy year, i still look forward to it.

I really hope there will be a day where mom will change her mind and get us a dog. Seeing my cousin’s dogs at his house earlier in the afternoon, i start to remember what is the feeling of having a dog in your arms. That feeling makes me feel warm. It makes me feel secure. I’m looking forward to have another dog as my best friend, since my best friend passed away a year ago..I really agree with the saying ‘ A dog is a man’s best friend.’ That  is so true. I had flashbacks of fluffy licking away my tears when i cry, sitting beside me when i need someone to talk to.. and more. I know i shouldn’t be thinking of him again, but it should be okay to think of him once in a while..But sometimes i really wonder. After fluffy passed on.. where the hell did he went? I’ll get the answer… when i die. but that”s gonna be at least 50 years down the road.

Thinking about dogs, i wonder. What job should i get? A job relating to dogs? or a job in media?

Well, i shouldn’t think anymore. Get some sleep pearlyn, your eyebags are getting heavier..

You didn’t apologised to me over that matter. I still can’t believe you messaged me that. You broke the good impression i had on you. I know you’re drunk that day,  but shouldn’t you apologise?

Your heart changes so quickly. One minute you tell me you’re with another girl. A few days later you broke up with her. And it continues.. What the hell are you thinking?

I hate to say it but i want to continue to be friends with you but i doubt that we can be good friends again.

I don’t know, but i don’t think i will ever meet up with you again.

I will try to forget this friend and treat it as i have never know you. I can’t trust a person that i don’t know whether he or she is acting in front of me and having another side of him or her which will shock the hell out of me.

Goodbye. You’re out of my life.

Sab, Annette. I think  the pendant really works. Not being superstitious, because i wear it for the sake of mom. I didn’t really believe it and i can see the true colours of a person without getting hurt deeply. Thanks for your help. Love ya.

Not forgetting my other friends too. thanks.

that’s all.

esquare camp is so boring. studying  and studying and studying.

I ‘m relieved that i passed all subjects. but i’m definitely not satisfied with them. Gonna start intensive studying soon.

i want to go jogging tomorrow. hope i won’t be too tired to do so.

As time goes by, everyone changes. I got to accept what you are already and still complain about you changing and it’s ridiculous or whatsoever. Though it will be tough, i will try. sorry, but i hope i won’t be what you are now. and that will be 3 years down the road.

Many are telling me not to believe in what you say, but i defended you and continue to believe your words. But now, i am suspecting your words and everything. Though i suspect them, but i hope that you won’t lie to me. If i found out they are lies, there goes our friendship and you’re out of my life. forever.

wanted to take my nap actually, but i can’t sleep.

so i secretly use com for a while.( sab . secret hor. thanks.)

exams are here.

i face each day with my heart thumping very fast.

kinda emotional these days.

i almost flare up at a toddler.

pearlyn, you are a fucking lousy, stupid idiot. how stupid can you get??

concentrate on your studies and not think of anything else, you hear me?!

you are a useless idiot, no wonder cy thinks you are idiot.

how idiot can you be?

let me tell you pearlyn, you suck like hell.

you suck at every single dumb subject, having careless mistakes for every single math question, physics and chemistry cannot make it, ss and geog can’t memorise them. A good for nothing!!!

You also can’t handle matters properly. You make everyone worry, piss all the time.

No matter how you put up a strong front, you will still be a useless bum that just like to act strong!

And you think you think you can stay happy? NO. you are just a miserable person.

You are an idiot , admit it.

Spent the day at Annette’s house.

I reached her house at 1020am and dear annette is still sleeping like a log.

Leonard woke her up and she took her time to prepare and get ready to hit the gym 😀

When we reached the gym, we felt so uncomfortable.

95 percent are guys and they are all fit and fab. Unlike us, so flabby. haha!

After working out for 30mins, Annette’s tired so we decided to head back to her house.

On the way back, we bought a piece of chicken and an isotonic drink since we were hungry and thirsty.

She started complaining that she had a stomachache and i think it is due to not eating before exercising.

She burped at the living room, and vomited at Leonard’s doorstep.

And he went ” what are you doing??? The toilet is just a few more steps!!!” blah blah blah.

And i kept laughing. Sadistic. 😀

She cleared the mess of course. Rested awhile and headed down to the shops to buy ingredients for baking brownies and making of fruit salad.

We screwed up the brownies! Forgot to add eggs and the brownies became disgusting. So watery.

So tomorrow’s picnic will be fruit salad, jelly and maybe some sandwiches.

Waited for sis and headed to a coffeeshop for dinner with their friend, nigel.

that’s all.

真不知道该如何是好。这样也不行，那样也不行。现在真的很乱。有一种很想但不可以的感觉。
除了对不起，我真的不知道该说什么才好。