When will i ever make it big?

Will i stand on my feet and face the world?

Can i even start afresh, start from where i had stopped 3 years ago?

My passion for music and dance. will i ever make it?

Till now, i don’t even have to courage to take the first step.

the courage to join a dance cca.

But i know, if i never take the first step, i will never make it.

my passion, my dream , will never come true.

I recall the days i danced,

whenever i looked into the mirror, i feel so confident.

Seeing myself dancing in the reflection of the mirror, it makes me feel good.

As if i am the best in the world.

I realised, one thing that can allow me to gain confidence- DANCE.

After giving up dance three years ago, i managed to find another passion of mine-singing.

Though i may not be the best singer out there,

i know that this is my passion too.

People out there are doubting my interests and dreams, as if i am very lousy in dancing and singing.

However, i do not think so.

I feel that i am good enough to do what it takes to fulfill my dream.

My dream, is to stand on the stage and dance as if no one is looking.

As if the stage belongs to me.

I want to dance in my own unique style.

A dancing style that has character. Not those kind of trying to be sexy and everything.

One day, I’ll make it come true.

Looking back at my previous posts, i realised how happy i am right now as compared to the past.

It’s like, wow, if i didn’t penned down my thoughts here in the past, i would have forgotten everything.

Reading my previous posts is like swish! all the memories are back.

It’s a good thing though, i won’t forgot how miserable i was in the past.

I’d graduated from secondary school and i’m having exams right now, yet i’m worried for my future.

What am i going to do next? What will i be in the future? What other obstacles will i come across in the future?

I guess wondering doesn’t help. All i can do, is arm myself with life skills, and prepare for the future.

Finally, like seriously. finally.

1) i finally updated a blog that no one reads.

2) I’m finally having a better life than before.

3) I’m way happier than before

4) I finally found awesome friends.

5) I’m graduating in 5 days.

6) My life is getting more colourful than ever.

7) I’m having so much fun with my 2 cousins, jocelyn and jeffrey. in short, jocffrey. HAHA

8.  All misunderstandings and gossips are settled.

9)Everything is so awesome right now.

10) I’ll leave this blank until the big Os are over.(Nov 12)

See ya!

confused. what should i do? i have to make a decision. everything is killing me. my mind is so tired. i just feel like sleeping for 24 hours straight.

From now onwards, i will ignore all your actions and all your negative comments about me. Its time for me to grow up, be mature and take these comments as compliments. I AM WHO I AM. i don’t need to change just because you don’t like me. and fyi, i don’t like you too. I’m not gonna say anything about you anymore. Everything will only give me nothing but trouble. Thus, i will not care about you anymore and please carry on with your childish actions until the day you FINALLY grow up.

O level date nearing, stress level increases.

Man, look at the mess i am in now.

With some personal problems, i still gotta

brush up on all subjects’ contents, practise practise.

prelim exam 1 approx. 5 weeks later,

prelim exams 2 a month after prelim exam 1..

o level orals, prelim orals…

and finally the o levels.

time is really tight.

when stress level increases, all i do is study and i’m not exercising.

gotta do some exercise. or else i’ll be miss pig in no time.

Life has been so stressed that i can’t even breathe.

Problems are coming one after another.

I know i can’t run away, i have to face it. And this will test on how i settle things well.

‘O’ levels are nearing and somehow i feel like giving up.

Everything around me is a blur and sometimes i feel like dying.

I keep telling myself, stop thinking about negative stuffs and yet i can’t control myself.

Sometimes i feel like hiding under my blanket and never step out of my house,

but i have to push myself to get on with life, no matter how tiring life is.

Everyone is just thinking about themselves, and they never thought of how people feel.

I’m so sick of everything that i just feel like dying.

Bad start for the week.

i lost my damn ezlink card, had gastric pain.

I just moved house.  I hope this means a new start, throwing away all the bad memories and keeping the good ones from the previous house.

After reading annette’s post, i  did some self-reflections.

Her posts always make me do self-reflection. chicken nehneh.

I realised, people keep commenting on how i look or why am i so ‘different'(in a bad way) from others.

But, don’t they realised they are no different as well.

I’m beginning to accept the way i am. Because there is no way i can change that.

And i thank people who keep commenting on me. Because their negative comments make me stronger.

I wanna go through a lot of ups and downs in life. This makes my life full of enriching experiences that one will only know the feeling after experiencing it. Though i will always think IF i have a smooth-sailing life, how great would that be…. BUT NO!!! I won’t be able to experience a lot of things if i had a smooth-sailing life.

Lastly, thank you to those people who helped me just now when i am in pain. thank you!!!!

ps: stupid annette, faster teach me how to make brownies luhhh.

What has got into you? You are finding ways to hurt my feelings,watching my every move,finding faults and laugh at all my mistakes.You spoil my happy moods,you want me to feel hurt because of you.You like to see me hurt, and like to push all the blame to me.Even when i use your stuff,you will question me.You just throw those unfinished stuff at me,and get yourself new ones.Recently, you like to seek attention.You are happy when guys notice you.Seeing you like this, being such an attention-seeker, is just like what i see myself in the past,what i hate about myself the most. You give me a feeling that you want me to lose my confidence, my attitude towards life, my self-esteem. And try any ways to make me sad and disappointed.

I admit, you are good to me most of the times. But because of these stuff you did, sometimes i really hate it. I have no one to turn to, and i can only tell her. She is the one who knows how i feel  when you do these things. I know, telling her all these will affect your friendship with her. But what about me? Does anyone know how i feel? You get pissed when i try to reason with you. You compare things that cannot be controlled.

 Yes, i am proud about certain stuff, i know that. But that’s what i think i can be proud of. I show off, but that’s just for fun. Maybe what you are doing is may be partly my fault, but shouldn’t you stop it? You’re older than me, you are mature than me. but why can’t you think about all these things you are doing isn’t the right things to do? Shouldn’t you know all these better than me? Or is it i haven’t been on my best behavior? Even at home? Can’t i even relax and don’t be on my best behavior at home? The house is the only place i can relax. The moment i step out of the house, i must constantly remind myself that i shouldn’t do this, i shouldn’t do that. Am i doing the right thing? What should i do when i made a mistake? And with you watching my every move, i can’t make mistakes and i feel suffocated. Stop. Please.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Hope everyone will lead 2010 to the fullest!

I’m back from sri lanka!

But the trip is so-so. I’d been controlling my temper during the trip and i seriously want to bash him up.

But, what can i do? All i can do is treat as nothing had happened and try not to talk to him as much as possible. That’s because i will get annoyed if i talk to him. It seriously sucks to put on an ‘oh-my-gosh-you’re-my-close-friend’ attitude. But what can i do?

After visiting Sri Lanka, i had many thoughts. Putting aside the beautiful scenery of nature, the life of people is so different. The world is really unfair. The society out there is really complicated.

Sometimes, i wish i’m not born here. Sometimes i wish i am not a human. Mom says 能够做个认识你的福报. But if you are a human, your life gets really complicated and to have a simple life is difficult.

Anyway, i bought 2 books at the sri lanka airport.

The Da Vinci Code and My Sister’s Keeper.

I’m so tired now and my head is spinning. Gotta get some rest.